I love to write. As a child I wrote with abandon, without fear or insecurities nagging at me. Yet, once I hit college, I stopped writing. I thought about writing a lot, but actually putting pen to paper just didn't happen. Fear, instead, took over. How could I presume to ever see my book in print when there were so many writers out there trying to make it? I began getting books on "how to write" and "get published quick" and reading them cover to cover. I browsed the "Writer's digest guides" and "Writer's Market" and then stuck them back on the shelf. I fancied myself a writer yet I stopped writing altogether. I became a teacher, and then I went to law school. You would be surprised with how many published authors are also lawyers. I think law school is the safe choice for people who love the written word but are afraid to take a risk.

Despite different career paths and different hobbies, the desire to write stayed with me. I wrote about my frustration and then one day, I wrote about how inspiration struck in 2007. Suddenly I saw the girl who wanted me to write about her. Some writers say this happens, you just suddenly see a character and they lead you down their path. I felt like a journalist at first taking in the facts of her life and then slowly more visualization came in and I kept writing. I had to push out my fears of getting published, and failure and just write because writing felt so natural and good and the public recognition of it ceased to matter. My story mattered and even if it only was read by me, it was worth it.

After many revisions, and edits, whole hearted red X's across the white pages, a kind author, family and good friends who agreed to read and felt brave enough to give me honesty, I was done. Being done, it became time once again to face my fears. I had to take this writing that I slaved over for years and finally put it out into the world where people would not cradle it as gently as I had or spare my feelings perhaps as my friends might have as they read it. I wrote about my fear, a lot.

I sat with my manuscript, afraid to send it out into the world for some time. The odds sucked. I would likely get enough rejections to paper the walls of my house. Did I need to feel that pain? I read somewhere 500,000 writers try each year and only a few hundred succeed. Who did I think I was?

After some time in limbo land debating whether to make a healthy bonfire and toss my manuscript in, I decided I had to try. Yes daydreams are comforting because in your dreams you succeed, I knew I had to walk down the road and find if my dream was just an illusion or something that could truly be. So I looked my fear in the eye and I leapt. If I failed, at least I would know to put this dream to rest.

In May, I went to the bookstore and looked up authors who write in my genre and found out that most of them had one agent in common. I looked up the agency, they accepted unsolicited work. But- this is the same agency that represents Amy Tan and Lisa See. I knew my odds were slim to none but what did I have to lose? I sent my submission in on October 16. Then I sent in some to a few other agencies. I had a list of 100 and my plan was to tick them off one by one, and at first as I began getting rejections my heart sank as I pictured crossing of number 100.

And then, I got a request from my dream agency. They wanted to read my full manuscript. And then, just this week I got the e-mail:


So in the most long winded way I know how, this post is to tell you that a dream I've harbored since a child just might be coming true. The Sand.ra Di.jk.stra Literary Agency believes they can sell my book.

The process is far from over. I still have to revise the manuscript once more, it has to be submitted to publishing houses, and someone has to like it enough to buy it, so I still have a ways to go before my book is something you will see in bookstores, but, there is a chance, there is an ever growing flame of hope that my dream will come true.

There once was a time I wrote a lot more on this blog and had a lot more readers. I can't be sure who reads now but I know some of you have been here for a very long time and have been there to support me as I wrote about my fears and hopes about my dream of writing. Thank you to you guys, y'all reading these meager words on the screen and responding and caring went a long way in boosting my confidence.

Labels: writing

posted by Aisha @ 6:52 PM || 25 comments

Just now, updating my book review site, it occurred to me how many books I've read in the past few years. Since writing a book, the reading process has changed for me. Each book I read, whether written by a debut novelist, or a seasoned veteran involved months, if not years, of research, writing and rewriting. It involved agents, editors, publishers, trusted beta readers. I thought about this as I just finished another book, tossed it in my library basket and sat down to review it. I read this book in two days, it took me about ten minutes to review it, and then I look on to my next book. Yet behind each book casually read is so much hard work and hope. A book is a story, but its more than that, within each book is a part of the soul of he who wrote it.

Labels: books, writing

posted by Aisha @ 7:06 PM || 2 comments

Today as I drove home I saw a squirrel in the distance standing on its haunches in the middle of the road. I shrugged. It would move. They always do. George Costanza kindly pointed out that its an unspoken agreement between us and the squirrels and birds. They may wait until the last minute, but they move. Not this squirrel. As I approached I realized this squirrel was going nowhere. I had to swerve to avoid it. Then, I stopped at the stop sign and as I hit the accelerator this squirrel darted in front of my car again! Luckily I missed it again, but then it actually raced with my car! Naturally, a car outruns a squirrel so I beat said squirrel, but I am fairly convinced this rodent had a death wish.

Nuts, acorns, and berries and hopping from tree to tree. No business meetings, no economic downturns or 401Ks. You'd think a squirrel's life is an ideal life, but I tell you, this squirrel had a death wish and it seemed eager for me to grant it. I wish I had contacts with the rodent world, perhaps a hotline (I suggest 1800Nuts) would go tremendously in the way of assisting the depressed squirrel population of my neighborhood. Clearly its a problem which needs addressing.

Labels: humor, life

posted by Aisha @ 1:37 AM || 1 comments

I went to a Joshua Radin concert tonight. I love REM, U2, and other big stars but going to a concert with them involves sitting in the nosebleeds and paying $65 for the privilege of doing so. A lesser known artist means cheap tickets and up close and personal access. He talked to us and told us the stories behind his songs and after the concert we met him and he signed our album!

What moves me most is watching an artist who writes and composes his own music. I'm watching him in the middle of his journey, who knows how far his talent will ultimately take him. To this effect, I particularly loved his song, no envy no fear:

Labels: concert, music

posted by Aisha @ 1:51 AM || 7 comments

In between submitting to agents and working on my next manuscript, I'm still chugging along on my 100 book challenge for my 109 in 2009. I've been very lucky to have had a spate of great books for a while now with each book as good as the last, but now I'm done out of books! Any books you read lately that you think are a must read? Please share, I'd love to request it from my library!

Labels: 100 book challenge, 109 in 2009, books

posted by Aisha @ 10:46 AM || 17 comments