Today I woke up to a loud noise which sounded like the insistent knocking of perhaps an overzealous Jehovah's Witness. I went to the door but there was nobody. I went back upstairs and again, the knocking resumed. Ultimately we discovered the source: a woodpecker having Thanksgiving dinner on our awning, breaking it down one board at a time. After a series of frenzied google searches, we discovered there may be an insect of some sort burrowed in. Our pest people explained this was a sign of carpenter bees. These lovelies boring into our home could cause major problems, had not the woodpecker alerted us to it through its nature.

This reminded me of a beautiful Rumi poem about the inner wisdom of our world. This is a poem about the Prophet trying to put on his shoes [an excerpt]:

"He washed his hands and feet, and just as he reached for his boot, an eagle snatched it away! the boot turned upside down and a poisonous snake dropped out. The eagle circled and brought the boot back... Muhammad thanked the eagle, and said, "What I thought was rudeness was really love. You took away my grief and I was grieved!".. Learn from this eagle that when misfortune comes, you must quickly praise. "

This simply served as a beautiful reminder that sometimes in bad not only may there be good, there may be better. Perhaps the woodpecker pecking away at your awning is making you aware of bigger problems. Its up to us to stop, listen and see.

Labels: gripes, life, poem, thoughts

posted by Aisha @ 9:27 AM || 3 comments

Happiness is the destination in pursuit of which, most of our journeys begin. The promotion, the new car, an orderly home. The underlying assumption: we get it, we happy. The flip side: we don't get, not so happy. Is happiness less about what we seek to attain and more about the expectations we hold for ourselves?

According to the Danes, yes. 60 minutes has discovered the happiest country on earth, which to my surprise was not a country with plentiful coconuts and straw huts on the beach, but was instead, Denmark. Why are they happier? According to the Danes, its all about expectations. Low ones, that is. If you expect less and get less: Its expected. But if you expect less and get more: Yippee! If you expect much and fail, you'll be unhappy, ergo, expect less, be happier.

At first I found this idea preposterous. If you don't dream big you won't achieve big! I thought of all the goals I made in life, had I expected not to get them, would I have worked so hard?

Then today, as I reached home at 6:30pm, made dinner by 7:30, ate by 8:00, cleaned up after dinner by 8:30pm and then worked out and showered and finally sat down, I looked at the clock and it was 10:00. 10:00pm and all I did was feed myself, exercise and shower? What about the cupboard to organize? The editing of my novel? The second load of laundry? The Goodwill sorting? The phone call to my mother? I sincerely expected to get all this done today! Though I'm not sitting in a corner howling mournfully, as I stared at the clock I felt a bit disappointed at all the things I expected to accomplish yet remained undone for another day.

Maybe that's part of what the Danes meant by low expectations. I expect a lot out of 24 hours and each day I feel a teensy bit disappointed that all my 1,000,001 things did not get done. I think the solution is not to stop making goals or having expectations but not taking them so personally when things don't pan out. The goal failed, it doesn't mean we failed.

Besides, sometimes what we expect, we shouldn't. I've seen that those who don't mind when things don't go according to expectations, and who understand fully that any control we have over our lives, over most things in it anyways, is illusory seem more content. Maybe part of happiness is living your life like a tourist, observing enjoying, taking mental photographs. Maybe part of happiness is being curious what life will give you next, and accepting that it may not be what you expect.

Your living is determined not so much by what life brings to you as by the attitude you bring to life; not so much by what happens to you as by the way your mind looks at what happens-Khalil Gibran

Labels: current events, life

posted by Aisha @ 12:16 AM || 6 comments

A few days ago I wrote of the conflicting emotions that sometimes arise when working in the public interest. Today I listened to JK Rowlings commencement speech at Harvard. This is easily the best speech I've ever heard. An excerpt:

If you choose to use your status and influence to raise your voice on behalf of those who have no voice; if you choose to identify not only with the powerful, but with the powerless; if you retain the ability to imagine yourself into the lives of those who do not have your advantages, then it will not only be your proud families who celebrate your existence, but thousands and millions of people whose reality you have helped transform for the better.

My status and influence is perhaps questionable. Whether I influence thousands or millions of people through my work remains to be seen. But if I can use my meager status to influence one small school board to help one disabled child, I guess it really hit me today, I have done something that mattered.

Labels: job, law, life

posted by Aisha @ 12:25 AM || 7 comments

1. Watermelon. Its nature's refreshing candy and I'd eat it for every meal if I could.
2. Well Raised Men. Today on the crowded subway an elderly woman walked into the subway and instantly a young man jumped up and offered her his seat. Its sad that this was the first time I saw this but so beautiful that such things are not fully a thing of the past. The fact that the elderly woman who took his seat was a black lady, and the boy who jumped up to offer it to her was white, also gave me chills. In this lady's youth such an act by this boy would have been illegal. The simple exchange amazed me as I thought of how hard people fought for subtle moments such as this.
3. Justice. When those in power do the right thing, bringing the hope of justice to those suffering years of injustice its bittersweet, but beautiful indeed.

Labels: 3bt

posted by Aisha @ 11:04 AM || 6 comments

This morning I looked through pictures of my trip to Costa Rica last year and felt a bit nostalgic. I smiled remembering our tour of the Cano Negro as our guide pointed out the wildlife inhabiting the preserve.

He showed us the Jesus Christ Lizard which gets the name with the way it seems to walk on water when it runs. Though clearly, at the moment, we were thoroughly annoying Gidget [Yes, I named her Gidget]And then we came across some lazy iguanas, resting on trees embracing the heat:

And then we came across this. The guide grew exceedingly excited as he got our attention and pointed us to look:
Guide: THAT IS A CAIMAN
Group: *crickets*
Guide: Ummm, hmm.... how to explain.. *scratches head* well, do you know what an alligator is?
Group: *nods smiling*
Guide: Yeah, well this is not an alligator. Its a Caiman.

Clearly not a man who should be teaching second grade anytime soon.

As I sat in my air conditioned office, the memory made me laugh out loud. I share it in the hopes it makes you smile too.

Labels: humor, travel

posted by Aisha @ 12:00 AM || 2 comments

"So what do you do" asks the doctor as I lie on the examining table. "I'm an attorney" I respond. She pauses for a brief moment and glances at me "Oh. What kind of law do you practice." I tell her "I represent low income children with disabilities with their education access problems at school."She smiles, "Ah! you're one of the good ones!" and resumes the exam.

I've had this conversation more times than I can count though sometimes the conversation, with friends and colleagues, continues further down the road:

"So have you bought the BMW yet?"
"Now K can retire while you make the big bucks!"
"Ha! All the Coach purses you want now huh?"
"Aw come on just buy it, you're an attorney now!"

To which though I smile inwardly I feel awkward, "I'm a public interest lawyer. I don't make a killing." And then with those very close who I tell how much I make, a look of incredulity often follows with: "Well that's noble" or "Are you INSANE?!?!"

I won't lie. I am proud of what I do. From teacher to attorney my professional choices have always been about helping the helpless. I do it because I feel blessed and I feel that to whom much is given much is expected. I believe we can live in a just society and I want to be on the front lines of making this happen. I believe I am fulfilling my faith and I know I am making a difference.

I could end this post there. You'd think I'm a good person who doesn't care about money who is beyond worldly things. But you see, this isn't necessarily true. The struggle, it still remains I've found.

As a teacher I made little but teacher's salaries do not vary widely. Not so for lawyers. I have friends who graduated in my class who make four times as much as me. I have certain perks too, most of my weekends and evenings are my own. I have pride in my work and enjoy what I do. Also, contrary to what many think, that if the job doesn't pay much it was easy to get, I had to fiercely compete for this job so no one can say I'm less worthy than my corporate big wig counterpart.

But when people tease me about K retiring or inquiring when the closet for my designer bags will be built, I feel a strange sense of guilt that I could've indeed been quite rich had I chosen a different path. Perhaps I'm struggling like the people on the Brazilian island I visited years ago where its people lived a simple life for centuries as close to heaven as I've ever seen, until TV showed them the things they did not have. Then they began to feel unhappy with their circumstance.

This feeling of guilt and confusion over my career choice unsettles me and I have no way of fully reconciling it within myself. I don't want a thousand dollar purse and I don't want the corporate life. I'm for the most part happy with what I have and am aware of how fortunate I am. Perhaps its simply living in a society which shows through its ads, movies, credit card pushing lifestyle, that it values things having things acquiring things being judged on how many things and what sort of things you have. Perhaps these concepts have seeped into my subconscious like a virus. Perhaps its a common thought by others in my shoes and if I ride this feeling out, much like the common cold, this feeling will pass.

"It's a mystery to me. We have a greed, with which we have agreed and you think you have to want more than you need and until you have it all, you won't be free. Society, have mercy on me I hope you're not angry if I disagree. Society, crazy and deep I hope you're not lonely without me." -Eddie Vedder (Society)

Labels: job, law

posted by Aisha @ 4:00 PM || 10 comments

Is the song playing as I watch CNN and watch history unfolding as Barack Obama becomes the official Democratic nominee for the UNITED STATES OF AMERICA!

Three years ago as a teacher I asked my students to draw a picture of what they would like to be when they grew up. Some drew portraits of doctors, others of football stars, and one student, Demba, whose parents were from Senegal, drew himself with a large smile slightly large ears standing behind a podium with the American flag behind him. "I'm going to be President one day" he said with a huge grin. I nodded encouragingly at him though I inwardly shook my head a bit sadly.

It happened. It really did. Perhaps Demba's vision of a world where his skin or his name would not matter was true after all. Regardless of whether or not you are a fan of him or not, the fact that "Barack Obama may be our President in 2008" are words that can even be uttered is a phrase that continues to amaze me and yes it really is a beautiful day.

Labels: current events

posted by Aisha @ 10:35 PM || 3 comments

En route to a picnic by the lake the family minivan screeched to a halt as we realized to our dismay we had not one football nor frisbee to speak of so quickly purchased one at the closest sporting store along the way. Now when I'd see it I'd inwardly smirk. Life is Good says the green discus. It doesn't ask nor gently imply, it simply informs you of an unquestionable reality. Period. But today as I caught a wayward pass I thought: (1) If I have the $15 to buy this frisbee. (2) and have the time to play with this frisbee and (3) If I am in fact playing this frisbee with another, well then, in that moment in time as the discus passes from hand to hand, Life really is Good. Deep frisbees. Who knew?

Labels: life, reflections, thoughts

posted by Aisha @ 8:08 AM || 3 comments